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| So today I have been dwelling a little on a fear of mine. Just here and there throughout the day. I came home and just felt down, not quite sure how to just give it over to God. I sat down to today's entry from "My Utmost for His Highest", by Oswald Chambers.
(God has a great sense of humor, but it shows that he cares, even for the smallest things.)
The Theology of Resting in God
"Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?" Matthew 8:26
When we are afraid, the least we can do is pray to God. But our Lord has a right to expect that those who name His name have an underlying confidence in Him. God expects His children to be so confident in Him that in any crisis they are the ones who are reliable. Yet our trust is only in God up to a certain point, then we turn back to the elementary panic-stricken prayers of those people who do not even know God. We come to our wits’ end, showing that we don’t have even the slightest amount of confidence in Him or in His sovereign control of the world. To us He seems to be asleep, and we can see nothing but giant, breaking waves on the sea ahead of us.
". . . O you of little faith!" What a stinging pain must have shot through the disciples as they surely thought to themselves, "We missed the mark again!" And what a sharp pain will go through us when we suddenly realize that we could have produced complete and utter joy in the heart of Jesus by remaining absolutely confident in Him, in spite of what we were facing.
There are times when there is no storm or crisis in our lives, and we do all that is humanly possible. But it is when a crisis arises that we instantly reveal upon whom we rely. If we have been learning to worship God and to place our trust in Him, the crisis will reveal that we can go to the point of breaking, yet without breaking our confidence in Him.
We have been talking quite a lot about sanctification, but what will be the result in our lives? It will be expressed in our lives as a peaceful resting in God, which means a total oneness with Him. And this oneness will make us not only blameless in His sight, but also a profound joy to Him.
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| I REALLY NEED SOME PRAYER RIGHT NOW!!!!! I applied for several jobs in
Fort Wayne Community Schools for assistant teacher positions with
special ed. I was hired as a bus aide in March, but would rather work
in the school. (I think :)) Most of these jobs were not posted until
mid-July. Last week I got two calls from schools and had the interviews
Thursday and one tomorrow (Tuesday). Then today I got a call and now I
have 2 interviews tomorrow!
Today, also, the Thursday interview called back wanting to talk, but
they left a voice message. I don't know what they want. This job would
only be 3 hours a day, I thought I could work out with the bus, but the
hours they want, it probably wouldn't.
Also, I was scheduled a lot this week at the daycare. I am only there
for the summer and haven't had a lot of hours, until this week. Last
week I called when I knew of the first interview and would have to come
in late. Then I get home today and had o call to say I can't come until
even more late. They were like we will see what we can do. (Making you
feel guilty, even if it is an interview and they knew I would be
leaving in a week.) They did say I could, but I am staying later (which
is ok).
I know things will work out, they always do, but I am just confused and
my head is spinning. It is just a lot to think about right now. Pray
that I know what I want to do and what is God's will. | | |
| Right now I feel very frustrated. I was supposed to go in today for pre-employment stuff for Fort Wayne Community. Which I guess meant going over papers. Well I went. I actually went early because they said I needed to park a block away from the actual building and I did not know how to get there. I searched and searched and could not find it. The street I was supposed to park on is actually split up and I am not sure I was on the right side (it didn't help that the buildings are not clearly marked and numbers aren't either. Needless to say I parked way off base and walked in late after going to a few buildings.
I got there and I talked to the lady at the desk (whom gave me all these not so specific directions on the phone) and they have another session Tuesday morning. So that is great news and they did take my background info I had. So because of my lateness I still have to wait, but at least I am pretty sure they still will let me work.
I am trying not to be hard on myself although I feel very embarrassed and upset, but I know this happened for some strange reason. I have done stupid things before but not going to something for a new job. But then I hate being late. I also get really impatient when I have to wait for things that are not in my control. I feel if they are not in my hands something bad will happen (like losing a job). Oh well. This too shall pass. I will be ok as the lady at the desk told me.
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| So I decided to break down and write something because for once I have
to write it down and share or I will go mad! Ok not really, but there
are things happening that have made me really reflect lately.
This
summer keeps changing from day to day and it is a time in my life that
2 big changes are coming that I have known would be here eventually,
for a long time now. Before I start rambling on because I am tired let
me tell you the first big change.
My sister Leah is leaving
for Ukraine in 2 weeks! For those that don't know she will be gone at
least for 4 years as a missionary. That is how long the missions terms
are, and then she will be back in the states for I think a year and
then back 4 more, and so on. Anyways, why is it a big deal? I have
grown up in a missionary church and have grown close to a few families
that come to state side every few years. I realize that it is different
when you actually have a family member, especially one as close as a
sister, leave as a full-time missionary.
Leah and I have never
actually been really close that we told each other everything, but as
we have become older there has been more respect and understanding of
each other. I have always looked up to her, and she didn't always like
it, but the sister relationship is there that no one can ever tear
apart or separate. I am used to her being gone, as she has been to
Ukraine before for a year, has had several other oversea mission trips,
and when she was away for college. But I knew those times that she
would come home, or at least be home for holidays.
More than
likely Christmas and all other holidays will be sending presents across
the world and talking to each other on the phone or now we may use
scype (sp?) as technology has come a long way. I know this is not a
first for many people having loved ones many miles away that you are
used to having around, but now that I am realizing what many of them
have gone through. I love my sister and I know God has called her to
this, yet I am sad to see we will be sisters living on the opposite
sides of the physical world, yet I know that is a short distance in
God's eyes. I love you Leah!
My other happening has to do with
what God is doing in my life. This past few months I have seen so many
things happen in my life that I didn't think I would come to this point
in my life already. I am talking about being content, at least I am
striving to be. Not just where I am in life, because I am not
whole-heartedly there yet, but being content in my daily situations. I
realize that being content is not something you come to and stay, but
it is a decision you have to make at every situation. A choice.
The
choice I have made is to be content in my relationships that God gives
me. Well, duh, right? But you see I am content in being with God in His
presence alone. That is something I have always struggled with, yet
desired. There have been times when I thought I was and gave my all but
I realized that I had put other things before Him. God has given me
many friends along the way to see where I was wrong and they would show
God's love without knowing it. I could go on with many examples, yet
God knows and if you are reading this and we have talked for any amount
of time I am sure you are one of them.
Lately though God is
hammering one big lesson that I think is one of the hardest life
lessons for anyone. PATIENCE. This is something I struggle with and I
know many of you do to, as I have been hearing your stories of waiting,
and it is comforting to know that we are not alone. Circumstances may
be different in waiting, but it is still waiting on God. What exactly
am I waiting for? Well I don't know exactly but He does. I don't know
where tomorrow leads, but I only want to go where God is. I do have my
own thoughts of where I would like to be, but only if that is God's
will.
I know some of you reading this may know some details of
my own desires that I am waiting for, and I would ask you to pray that
I seek God first in these situations. I would ask all of you even if
you don't know every detail. You may ask if you having a burning desire
for an answer, and I may give you one. But please we should all hold
each other up and ask God to have the patience to wait.
Ephesians 4:2 | | |
| Oh wow! I just got back from holding a 4 pound baby. She is so cute. It is amazing how God can make something so small and leave adults to take care of this miracle to grow into a beautiful creation that He has intended. So mind-blowing!
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